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| moving out |
| 01.22.05 (5:50 pm) [edit] |
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I'll keep this breif. tBLOG has had it for me. I know it's a new site, with tech problems up the wazoo, but I'm switching over to blogspot.com... blogger I guess is the name... The new blog can be found at roverandom.blogspot.com, check it out.
cheers,
Andrew
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| breakfast |
| 01.12.05 (5:07 pm) [edit] |
All right. There are few things I love more than this particular breakfast. It has to have two good pieces of thick-cut, white, and most importantly - homemade - toast. It's got to have some real butter on it. The eggs can only be made one way for this plate to be perfect. That's over easy, and cooked in the fat from the balonie. Those little pieces of god-only-knows-what have to be served hot and pretty crispy. Maple doesn't hurt them either. Homefries are the hardest to come by. The bigstop nearest me makes them pretty well, but I had some the other day that were all lightly spiced. That's the way to go.
Chocolate milk is the only thing that can be had to drink during the entire show. It compliments that sandwich you make with the balonie and a slice of the toast.
So there you have it, The Breakfast. If you know of a better, by all means, let me know.
If I was Italian I would say ciao.
Ciao
Andrew
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| Tweed, Ontario |
| 01.06.05 (3:13 pm) [edit] |
I'm addicted to this pen I found. Basically, I'm trying to say my blog is going to suffer some neglect, at least until February sometime. I have too many plans to be hanging around online. It sucks when you discover that you only have a few weeks to cram in a MILLION things. Well Tweed, Ontario, here I come.
Andrew
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| speaking of good bands... |
| 12.18.04 (12:07 pm) [edit] |
Here's some eastern Canadian bands that I feel the need to plug on my blog.
Grand Theft Bus (jam band)
the Trews (good new rock)
JP LeBlanc (blues baby)
The Joel Plaskett Emergency (um, get some, you need to)
Ok, time to go, but that's only a few. You don't want to blow your mind with too many good songs at once.
Andrew
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| ''I ain't doin' this for the respect'' |
| 12.18.04 (12:01 pm) [edit] |
Thank god for Grand Theft Bus...
Hullo!
Man, it has been ages since I posted. Or at least a week I should say. In any case, it's just not excusable. I've been in Fredericton since last Sunday. It's been fun hanging out with Neal and Darren, and even Al some. What a high blast this has been. When I find myself the time for a photobucket, I'll post some pics of a six gram 'doobie' (that was for you, Mom) that we smoked on Weds. or Tuesday, I don't know. My sleeping pattern is yet again thrown off, and it's been nothing but a couch for the last 4 days...Ugh, but great, because it's the couch I used to sleep on all the time in the old appartment.
I'm kind of mid-week here since the adventure Chistmas, so I'm going to go on about that before the rest of the week...
So, guess what I got? It's possibly the most thoughtful gift I've ever gotten, right there neck and neck with Da's letter after grad, and mom's wicked hatchet she got me in grade 8. Now, I love home made gifts above all others. I like gifts of all kinds, but I don't think I can express how it feels when somebody makes something for me. Well, Katimavik is fast approaching, and I mentioned offhand to the wonderful girl the situation there with towels. Didn't she sew my name into a facecloth and hand towel? She did. They were great towels before hand, all good earthy colours, but it's my name on them that makes them amazing. Seriously, I love made gifts... She ALSO got me a great looking book on drugs and religion, namely their effect on Buddhism.
*ahhh GOD I love french toast with ketchup and maple syrup. Neal just made some, fall down and worship at his slippered feet.*
But this book sounds quite great. I've got a few pages under my belt, but I'm kind of waiting for home and some real time to sit and read.
As per usual, it's after supper, and Darren has summoned me to the nook. So, farewell, I'll be home tomorrow and back to having a computer right in my room. Slow-ass piece of junk that it is, it's damn useful.
Take it easy. I will be, maxing out to Spiderman 2 that Neal just got from Chavah. What's that, three times in less than two weeks? You could say I love this movie.
Andrew
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| peace train |
| 12.11.04 (11:45 am) [edit] |
Now I've been crying lately, thinking about the world as it is
Why must we go on hating, why can't we live in bliss
Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again
fuckin'eh, Cat Stevens.
Andrew
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| all that you beg, borrow, or steal |
| 12.10.04 (12:30 pm) [edit] |
Great new discovery! I know next to nothing about chainmail. The great part is this wicked website that can show me cool patterns like "Persian one into three chain". It's an only slightly more complex weave (better word?) and takes fewer rings in the long run. Another plus is it's not as wide, and waaaaaay hotter. Hot in a copper ring kind of way.
Can you tell? I got my day today! What a relief. Woke up at around 11, then it was directly into the chainmail. I managed to finish four of the bracelets for the Vanier Girls, but then realized that the persian one into three was the way to go. Something else wonderful about chainmail? It comes apart uber easy. So now I have two of the 'betters' done, and I have two nights to finish the rest.
I think another part of my much needed stress relief was getting my separation papers from work. I was in fact canned, so no pokey. BUT I got my last cheque, which I didn't know existed. It wasn't much, but now I have fare to Fredericton, AND some cash leftover for presents! All is back to being right with the world. Honestly, it isn't, but today was just a good day. Did you know that I can sell some copper stuff at the store by my house? I think I might mass produce and go to the market sometime and panhandle. Can I even do that? I heard somewhere that you need a liscense to panhandle. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of selling outside of a shop? Who knows.
What I do know is, I have a large Hawiian pizza baking with my name on it. Or half anyway.
Andrew
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| this empty room |
| 12.09.04 (6:39 pm) [edit] |
Up, again.
I've been dreaming dreams about things that I had totally forgotten. Today is a day that I want to just walk down the hill and not come back for a while. Mostly, I need to unwind. Fall into one day that I can just do nothing on. I don't know what I mean, except I am so tired, but I won't sleep.
I am so sick of church. Did I go on about this yet? I just hate the half-assed answers they give you. I wish it was as simple as just not going. But for another half-assed reason, that's not an option. Obviously this upsets me. But it's so simple to me how stupid it is, and remarkably complex and wonderful to mom. So what do you do? You bite your tongue, but you still don't take communion, and take the stares that you can hear saying "Oh, he's so lost". I think that realizing people don't have to hate eachother, and don't have to be afraid of eachother is very far from lost. I just wish they could teach about peace and love without all the condescension and money grubbing. Does this make sense to anybody?
So, I'm angry with myself for something. I wasted a night of the adventure. Now I'm thrown as to how to act. Because I feel like I really messed up. I'd be lying if I said I didn't go up there just to see her. It was her birthday party. And I got off my ass anyway. It feels so weird having been there and not talked to her before falling asleep or when I wake up. I hope I'm not being stupid about this, I guess I'm just disapponted in myself. You know what I can't wait for? Sunday's trip to Fredericton. I still can't get the urge to just see her out of me. Shameful as I can act whilst drunk, it's still ridiculously strong.
I hope I get the day to just make things and chill out. I need to lie down, seriously. Why the hell does the urge to create always come at night? *yawn* There's my cue.
Andrew
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| spotless mind |
| 12.04.04 (6:48 pm) [edit] |
I don't know if you've seen it. But watch the motherfucking Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I mean, good times. Visually and thoughtfully. Seriosuly a hot movie to look at. As far as making me think, well it did. Mostly about girls that I've dated. But about a lot of other things too. How many things would I be willing to erase from my memory? Especially if I was aware of the fact that they were being erased, during the erasing. I think I'd like to hang onto mine, thank you. I mean, shitty things have happened. But I don't think I would ever trade them for a blank spot. It's still remarkably tempting though.
I was going to go through some of the things I'd like to erase. But now that seems kind of stupid. All right, now I'm actually going to sleep.
Before I go, sad news, at least for a few days. I am offically out of copper rings. I really hope I can get some from Brian. Anyway, here I go.
Andrew
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| before the world got so decieving. |
| 12.04.04 (4:37 pm) [edit] |
Tonight I am wondering about something. Are all the things I do part of this huge search for something larger than myself? Yes, I'm talking about god or whatever. Is it all part of my crazy spiritual journey? I don't know. I do know I feel like I am looking for something. Like I'm always one step closer to having my questions answered. But it all stays so nicely out of reach. What is with that anyway? I think at 20 you should just get it, and then enjoy the rest of your life with the answers. I guess that wouldn't be half as fun. But right now I'm extra curious. The more I think about it though, the more fun discovering it a little at a time sounds.
Christ. I have been hanging around old people too long. They must ALL think about this stuff. It's kind of disheartening when the old guys are still looking just as hard as you are now. Ah well. Maybe I don't get to know ever. In which case, I am going to continue having as much fun as I can. And I'm going to try to think a little more. In the moment I mean. I tend to just roll and that ends in slight disaster. But then thinking can get you in trouble too. What a balancing act. All right. I'm tired, as per usual these days.
Oh man, guess what? On the 6th? Huge bash, lots of drunken debauchery (according to Meagan) and a birthday. Guess whose? That's right, Krista's. This will be fantastic times. A bottle of Larry's Private Stock is sure to make my night interesting. Especially if I Cedric a lot of it. Here's to a night we'll all forget.
Andrew
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| spoke to me, sang till I was able. |
| 12.03.04 (12:52 pm) [edit] |
So, trees. I wrote about them yesterday. Or so I thought. Something happened, and now, no entry. Ah well. Tonight I am a busy guy. To start, pan of fishsticks to finish making. For the second time. I am really good at burning things. Especially ridiculously easy things. Following all that jazz is my attempt at making some signs for the tree u-pick. And then I'm making six wreaths. Count 'em, six. Should take around 3 hours for the wreaths alone. Did I mention I'm up ass early again tomorrow? And I have to fit two chain mail bracelets into the works as well. I'm averaging one an hour now. Still no clasps.
So today Ronnie got all philosophical again. It's funny hearing a little old farmer go on about how big the universe is, and how fascinating the human body is. Did we really come from 'the heavens' as he put it? Who knows. But we're like a really well made car, even though you can't see the parts they're so small. What a guy. He surprises you with shit like that all the time. Anyway, I smell my next batch of fishsticks, so it's time to go rescue them.
Andrew
ps - I have discovered that smell is my thing. It's what I'm good at, smelling things. And they always remind me of something obscure, or a really important instance. But smell is it. This has nothing to do with fishsticks, but I just thought about something that happened yesterday.
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| broken branches trip me as I speak |
| 11.30.04 (6:10 pm) [edit] |
Run! If you get bitten, it's over. Here's an idea, abandon your little brother and push your mom out of an elevator. While you're at it, cruise away through a tunnel, pursued by a werewolf on a motorcycle. Setting: a huge church with self-scan checkouts.
I'm not sure if it's a combination of things, or just a subliminal fear of my recent nightmares that's keeping me up. The possible combination could be large amounts of pizza (made by me, and yet, unburned.) and 2% milk. That stuff is like candy. There are few things I enjoy more than a huge glass of milk to wash down some partly cold and very clammy deep pan pie. Something about the harmony of tomatoes and dairy. Obviously I am not asleep. This does not, however, change the fact that I am supposed to be getting up at 5 30 again tomorrow morning.
If only the things that dawn on me would start that epiphanic chain reaction at least an hour or two before bed. Five minutes before my eyes shut isn't exactly good timing.
I'd like to scribe my screaming thoughts, but I can't write in my journal without my dipping pen. And when it's black in my room and my pen and book are all the way on the shelf next to my head, I just roll over and pass out. I did manage to drag myself out of bed and tell you what I had for snack, though. See how useful this thing is? Sometimes my own productivity shocks me.
Andrew
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| your own personal jesus. |
| 11.30.04 (4:35 pm) [edit] |
Somehow Johnny Cash must have known about Janice Fuller. She has inadvertently made me feel better. The real credit is due to my other adventurer for a sweet email. The help she passed on; Janice's words of wisdom: "Don't apologize for the way you feel."
Mother fucking Janice Fuller. Good job. I like it because I can still apoligize for being an asshole, but I don't have to feel bad about being angry.
There is [i]no[/i] lack of great feelings today. Adventures aren't those scary and mostly dangerous things you hear about in stories. They're all good. I don't want to sound like I'm crazy, but I am. About this girl.
I've been chatting to her and Barry for a while now. Barry's gone to bed, and I think I'm going to follow suit. Before I go, today at mom's went really well. Brian is a great carpenter, and fun to work with. I don't know how to feel about this aspect of the day though. We got high twice. I mean it was a toothpick each time, and shared between us, but I was a little high for a good hour after. So it counts as building whilst fucked. Which I am against. But not so much anymore I guess, eh?
*yawn* Ramble on. Led Zeppelin means more to me than I think sometimes. It's been the soundtrack of some really great times. Not to mention Jimmy Page is one godly guitarist. Lets not talk about what Robert Plant's voice does to me. I think it's the one time you will hear me say that another guy got me all hot and bothered. I hope that didn't make anyone uncomfortable, because I'm not even sorry.
Goodnight, or as beautiful girls say, sweet dreams and flying machines.
Andrew
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| i don't know the steps |
| 11.29.04 (4:38 pm) [edit] |
It's amazing how much better you can feel after admitting you're a huge ass. I don't just mean in the wide-load department.
Andrew
ps- here's to not screwing up too many times till I'm dead and gone. I wish I knew how that was done.
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| self-dissection and a good bitching up and coming. forewarned. |
| 11.29.04 (4:18 pm) [edit] |
A good weekend in Fredericton. For the most part. I'm going to go on about it another time. The good stuff I mean.
Right now I'm angry in a big way. A lot of that loaded gun is pointed at myself, but some to Colleen and Barry. It's something that I didn't really realize was digging right at me until today during work. I know I appreciate people being straight with me about stuff that I fuck up with. I guess I have a question here as to delivery. Anybody can say that I have made a whole litany of mistakes. And that I've never seen anything through to the end. Except high school and YCW. So I'd get it if they'd said "hey, Andrew, we think you're going to fuck Katimavik up, like everything else." Blunt, but I could totally take that. However, when they let you know by telling you about the betting pool that they have on how far into the programme you're going to fuck up, it doesn't have the same ring to it. Apparently Colleen organized it, so I was a little needlessly mad at Barry. But he was part of coming up with it, and the betting.
He made a good point, as per usual. I've sat by, and participated, while some equally cruel stuff was said about other people. So it's a case of not liking it when it's done to you. But this was the first time it's been done right to someone's face. Which doesn't make any excuse for my sitting by. I'm just really, well hurt that it was done to me. As fucked up as it sounds, I thought we all had an understanding that as far as it goes, you don't do that to people to their faces.
So, this taught me a few things. Don't take part in that shit anymore. Don't expect to be left out of it. And talk to people before you accuse them of anything. I thought Barry was spearheading the gambling, but he wasn't and now I've said some things he didn't deserve to hear. Is it a bad thing that I'm debating apologising? I'm going to, in a few minutes. But I'm still mad. And not to fuck up. That's going to be harder than it sounds.
Situations like this are NOT my strong point. I was at Neal's pissed and taking some huge offense about things that mean nothing. I just couldn't let it go. I hate realizing I was an asshole.
Now, it's time to talk about something. I have before, but not in any great detail. It's the reason the gun is pointed so much more at me. As Barry said, I've been given opportunity to succeed more times than I can remember. And I manage to fuck it up, pretty much flawlessly. So why? Well, I like getting high. And I hate bills. That's one way I've done it. Actually, that's how I've done it most times. It has a lot to do with not listening to myself. Just letting myself blow by, or blow up. I don't know. I don't feel so much like doing this anymore. I just want to get it out of my head. *insert weed*. You see how that works? It's damn effective. I'm not going to say that I get high all the time to drown shit, but it is definitely one of my easier solutions to problems that do come up. I only made it 6, or 8 days, i can't remember. You can't stop something just to make a point. I think another problem I have is wanting to show people I can do it. (By 'it I mean everything I've ever attempted.) Then I'm not doing anything just because I want to, it's for somebody else. Which I just finished telling mom a little ago was the way to disaster.
I'm going to go make some rings. I have a few bracelets to make before the 14th. Actually I have a lot of other things to do too. And it's the second day with no work when I was supposed to have it. I mean it wasn't guaranteed, but I need the money bad. I could go on from there, but I'm just going to drop this. I'm kind of doing exactly what I never wanted to do on this thing. Which was bitch myself into a corner.
Fuck.
Andrew
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| pitchforkitis |
| 11.24.04 (5:13 pm) [edit] |
Oh, today I discovered I do not need my left index finger. Not for work anyway, and especially not for chain mail making. I've gotten a knack for that now, by the way. I'm sure lefty's useful still, but whilst out of comission, I haven't really missed it. Speaking of out of comission, I don't remember hearing anything lately about my mono-ridden buddy Janice.
Well here's a wish that she's past all the sick and is just tired. Actually, here's to a total heal-job, courtesy of her favorite bone, Jesus. I'm pretty sure sex with the son of the almighty would have some healing side effects. Maybe not.
Anyway, I'm going to go cure my pitchforkitis with a little Robinhood, Prince of Theives. God, I love Kevin Costner, in a totally guiltless fashion. Thank you for making movies like Waterworld and The Postman. These have gotten me through some sick days, at sanity's end.
It's a little sad that he's EVER been the high point of my five minute attention span. Who am I kidding? It's only 2 minutes.
On that note... what?
Andrew
ps - guess where I'll be in two days? Under a canopy! It can't come soon enough.
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| the goverment wants to test me when I pee. |
| 11.23.04 (4:15 pm) [edit] |
Tonight: Got to finally see the Incredibles! God, that title does it so much justice. As a fan of Nemo and such, I was expecting big things. Well, I got them. I'm not going to say it's Oscar-esque, but it was damn good.
One point to make would be that I watched this movie with my da. Now, I'm not sure if I said anything about how he talked to me on MSN and told me that he's going to let me be about my life decisions or not. Well, he did. And this was the first comfortable time I've spent with him as far as I can remember. I don't know if he was or not, but I don't really care right now. I'm just glad it was nice to see him. We ate some pizza, right up to the doors of the cinema. Just talked about tings going on, as usual, but I didn't feel strained. I'm kind of rambling, but whatever.
Thinking. I hope they don't test me at Katimavik. Because I will definitely have THC in my system. And LSD. And if I'm going away for a while, I'll definitely have some psilocybe in there too. I mentioned the no drugs right? It's been kind of a strange 6 days. Way harder this time around too. But it's good too. I'd be lying if I said my mind was just as cloudy as usual.
I will be back. But part of all this is a little practiced control. And balance. I really need that. 'Cause god knows I won't ever give up my weed. But I don't have to smoke myself stupid either right? Again with the just going on about nothing really.
The chain mail is going pretty steady, but it's going to be on hold for a while. Today up in the mow (loft), I pushed a bale under a ten by ten rough beam. Karma must have been after me for being an ass this morning to mom. I ripped a nail almost clean off. It's hanging by a thread and a little bit of band-aid. Ew. And ouch.
Ah it's time to go.
Andrew
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| 8,000 colours of grape. |
| 11.22.04 (10:50 am) [edit] |
Another entry posted off the original day! Something was up with tBlog, though, so I'm avoiding responsibility
What's this?!
tBlog seems to be down at the moment. However, I am way too excited and happy to wait for my plain-text blogger.
Tonight was SO great. But before I get to that, I have to get something else out.
Girls are wonderful. One girl in particular. I'd be lying if I said I didn't itch for an email or hello or anything. It makes my day. Another weekend without her has been, well, for lack of a better word, blah. I mean the birthday was great, it was. But it's not the same kind of great at all. I don't even like my bed. And it definitely does not have a canopy. More importantly, it doesn't have the best spooner in the world lying in it. This girl. She challenges me. And not in a bad way at all. It's delightful to the 'enth degree. Things, as simple and wonderful as they are, they're not boring, and she gets me to thinking in ways I don't think she knows.
If any adventure I'm on is as spectacular as this, then I'm changing carreers. Who wouldn't want to adventure forever if it's like this? I don't want to sound like I will never be serious or anything, but who says you have to stop adventuring, even settled down?
I'm working myself into a lather here with all the missing her like crazy, so it's on to the birthday.
ps- and I know it's early for post scripting... but if I could see her for even a minute.
What a night. If I had made a plan in my mind of the perfect circumstance for the night, it would be blown away and then some. Somehow, it was like the whole feud (whatever the hell it was, I still don't know), never happened. There was the catching up of course, but then it was back to the great great times with my mom's side o' the family. That I was so used to, and missed so damn much. Even surly Uncle Jake the Snake was having a good time I think. My cousin Nicole is huge now. I forgot to ask how old she was, but it doesn't matter. She made an imaginary picnic for us tonight. (After the disgustingly wonderful amount of meatballs I ate) We had 8,000 different colours of grape. Since I'm tallest in our family when Josh isn't around, I had to pick all the big ones from the top of the vines in my Nanny's living room.
We bowled on Grampy's mini-lane. I think we still have the one he made us. Sara is going to put dreds in her hair. It'll look so good. Maybe Darren will help us put them in, his are NICE. Her hair has to grow some, but it's almost time. Maybe right after Christmas. Holy shit, Joey has some NICE long hair too.
My favorite part was Nanny. I don't ever remember her that happy. We've all had some good times, but today was the day. It was so good. She laughed so much and we got to cuddle on the couch with Nicole and Sara and John for our after dinner nap. Grampy was quiet as usual, but he beamed the whole time. We talked some about tools and how to make good rabbit snares ("don't forget the stainless steel, it's the best.") I don't know what it's going to be like without them. Before I go away to Katimavik, I am going to see them as much as possible.
All right, I'm kind of overwhelmed, so I'm going to put some links of copper together. Seriously, have a good night, I know I am.
Andrew
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| So, church. |
| 11.21.04 (3:43 am) [edit] |
Ugh! I think I need to practice my not worrying about things that don't matter. But ths being coerced into church to avoid a terrible conflict with mom, it's just plain silly.
I don't know if I'm just being an ass, becuase it's only an hour a week. And really, I haven't been there in a long time. But I sure as hell don't miss sitting there wishing I something exciting would happen. I mean I'm not into organized religion, but they could at least look interested in what they're talking about. How are you going to convert someone with a suicidal look on your face? The guy that wants to win me over to god better have a huge smile on his face, and maybe a pipe in his hand. Actually, he'd better have another guy's hand in his.
I'm thinking back to a time when mom signed this petition. It was to keep gay marriage out of New Brunswick. My argument for burning it, or at least crumpling the piece of hate-mail, was that my friend Jamie is gay. Now, mom loves this kid. I mean loves him. But she was fine with denying him what I see as a pretty basic right. All because (and she couldn't offer any other explanation) 'it's in the Bible'. Is that the best they can come up with? "Oh, I can't rationailze my fear, so I'm going to throw a storybook at it. While I'm at it, let me hide behing my 'faith', which is just another reason not to have to explain myself". If you took everything the Bible said literally, I'm pretty sure we'd be living some fucked up lives here. Actually, I'm pretty sure GW would have a lot more supporters.
Anyway, it's almost time for church, so I'm going to go get my sandals. See, Krista so kidly painted my nails. (I got to pick a pretty hot pink with hearts. =) Sometimes I think I cause shit on purpose.
Andrew
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| A banana with a greasy black peel. |
| 11.20.04 (7:03 pm) [edit] |
You know what're terrible? Santa Claus parades. You know what is absolutely wonderful? Copper chainmail.
Andrew
ps - NASCAD!!!
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| the designated room |
| 11.20.04 (4:17 am) [edit] |
This entry was from last night... I forgot to post it.
I can't believe it's only 10. I feel like I have been awake for days.
Barry and I just watched Saving Private Ryan. I won't go on about the senselessness of war again. All I have to say is how dare that movie glorify the involvement of a country that wasn't going to do a damn thing until Pearl Harbour happened.
Anyway, speaking of Barry, I got to give him the Cedar Lunch today. However, I forgot to tell him the name. But since I gave it to him, I think I'll let him name it. We finally got to go over to the farm and fire the 30-30. The target: one of those creepy dolls that always faces into the corner. Now I know I preach about senseless violence, but I guess it shows how desensitized I am at the same time. And maybe what a hypocrite. Well, it was fun shooting anyway, and come on, like I could kill anybody, especially a kid not looking at me. Except in that dream. I think I mentioned that.
So, although it's a short, short book, I've been taking my time with this Lemony Snicket thing. It's book the Third in his Series of Unfortunate Events. Borrowed from a certain wonderful girl. Let me say right now that it's great. And if anyone likes reading to kids, get ahold of the books ASAP. Seriously, they're entertaining and all, but it's great for word-powering those little brains. (Obviously I wasn't exposed to them, or I wouldn't be making up words all the time). Ooo, another exciting book moment?! Tomorrow I get to start reading the Hobbit to John! I can't wait. That story molded my mind into a voracious, fantasy novel-devouring monster.
Anyway, I'm more in the mood for making things than blogging right now. So, it's time to pick the wood for Darren's piece next. Where's my flashlight? I hate that dark woodroom.
Andrew
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| luthier madness |
| 11.18.04 (6:09 pm) [edit] |
Good evening!
Mom and I just watched the Ladykillers. Good times. She snored a lot, and I laughed my ass off.
Anyway, good movie, give it a watch.
My point here is more about the guy that made all the intruments that never got played. In the bonus features he had a quick-flic where he got to talk about his art. He said he was almost always a happy person. And that even when he wasn't, he would cut the wood, make something, and all the happiness he got from work would come back. I guess it just reiterates the fact that we need to do what we love.
So about that, I'm making the public announcement of my plans to attend NASCAD in Halifax. I'm not sure exactly when or how this is going to happen, however, it is. The prospect of learning more about the art I love is what is going to drive me there.
So, another toast. Here's to carving up a storm, and drowning myself in woodshavings for the rest of my life.
Andrew
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| Speaking of lazy... |
| 11.18.04 (1:09 pm) [edit] |
Master builder indeed.
Not really, unless I've mastered having fun while building. Anyway, two walls complete on Snowflakes retirement compound. I've got one more big one to go, and then the gate. I'm going to build the house inside from scratch, because the one mom has over at the farm is in shambles. And so is Snowflake, really. He can hardly walk, you can see his limp and when he gets up from laying down, it takes him forever because he's favoring his hips. I hate building something outside for him, but he can't control his crapping anymore. It's all over the floor every morning, and today it was in the kitchen. It's getting way too close to the day when I have to take him to the vet. Anyway.
You know what's the worst? Next to the killing of your best buddy? Putting cedar posts in frozen ground. But fun. I don't know where all the joy comes from, but I love it.
This morning I put the final clear coat on the Cedar Lunch. It looks so good. I'll have to borrow a bowl from Darren and Neal to see what size I need. Ugh, my whole room smells like stain now. I made the mistake of trying to pick up the can with my fingers closed. So it ended up all over my guitar case and the floor.
Speaking of my guitar case. I really need to pick that thing up and learn some things. I don't know what it is, but I just never do. Wait, I know exactly what it is, I'm a lazy bastard when it comes to learning an instrument. Maybe when Barry comes over tomorrow, he'll show me some shit with it. I love my little guitar, but damn I just have no drive.
So, I've been talking to Barry just now. I'm glad he says some things that people are thinking but just never say. I have to get a job. I mean it's nice just doing this work for mom, but I need some money. Not to mention I owe a good guy a lot of it. I'm pretty good at conveniently pushing that stuff out of my head to avoid worrying about it. But fuck, I need to take care of that sort of thing. So, right now I am doing something. I hate to, but it has to be done or I'm going to go crazy. I'm stopping my drug activity until I have that paid off and I've done some things on this adventure that I've been wanting to do. I can see it being harder than I would like, but I can't do it anymore.
All right, I'm going to go make some plans, and watch a movie.
Andrew
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| the Cedar Lunch |
| 11.17.04 (1:54 pm) [edit] |
My head is getting all spinny. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to use wood stain in a well ventilated area. But whatever. My newest pipe, the Cedar Lunch, is well on the way to completion. It's sitting there, with all that warm coloured wood, and a nice red tint in the bark. I think it's going to be the best one I've made so far. The nice thing: it's going to taste like cedar after the stain dries.
Well then, Yesterday I vented for a good while about my dad. Or only a little. But today I want to talk about good things.
Like adventures. It's still a go, this main vein of excitement and sexiness. On Monday, it was better somehow than it's been so far. Beyond my usual having a blast, I've been getting this sense of comfort, and this crazy closeness. All I have to say is it's wonderful. I like the idea of not knowing where things are headed, and just letting things happen. I might have mentiond that before. I'm not sure, but I think about all the time, so once more can't hurt. Here's to adventures, and girls that can tempt you to breathlessness one second and put you into this blissful relaxed state in the next. All I have to say is I love markers, and spontaneity.
My grampy turns 73 on Sunday. Now, it's an odd number, and not really a milestone age. However, the celebration is where the real action is going to take place. It will be the first time in over 5 years that my mom's very estranged side of the family is going to be together. I don't know the details of the family feud, and I don't care. I miss my cousins, and I miss my aunts and uncles. So I say it's about bloody time they got over whatever it is, and made the decision to come and make grampy's day.
All right, I can hardly breathe in here, so it's time for a break typing.
Andrew
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| Acid and a nutshell |
| 11.16.04 (4:09 pm) [edit] |
All right. First thing, lets talk about acid. I want to end this with the more important bit of my day.
So, acid. It was incredible. Beautiful. And definitely worth a try. However, the second time around... it was different. At first I thought I was just tripping a little less than the original time, but I was wrong. I think my body was cueing me up for the bad trip of my life. The bad trip at the fort on mushrooms is dwarfed by the events of last night. As I said, it was going fine, if a little less potent. All hell broke loose when I went upstairs for some water. The lights were all off, but of course, it was lit all through the room with some wonderful orange light. I walked to the window to see the moon, but it was gone. The tracks in the snow seemed to be confused as to whether they should be filled with shadow or light, it kept switching. This was all fine, and expected. I finally remembered I wanted water, and opened the fridge. Something happened, and I started to feel extremely high. It was the most intense body stone of my life. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, but I couldn't stand anymore. So I crawled downstairs and fell into my bed. I couldn't shut off the light because I was terrified of my stucco ceiling. It was alive with purple and green swirling so fast I thought I would be swallowed. There was a good two hours where I lost the ability to form words in my head, let alone speak them. I absolutely forgot the english language. I knew I was confused, and that something was wrong, but I wasn't forming these thoughts with words, they were all raw and terrifying emotion. Fear being the strongest. When I started to come down, the light finally stopped swirling so fast, and I relaxed a bit. But I had to leae the light on because I was so afraid of being in the dark. The first trip, nothing happened behind my eyelids, but this was not the case last night. It was the most complex blue fractal I could imagine. And it moved so that I felt sick and retched for a long time. Evwentually I exhausted myself into an empty sleep. I woke up at 3 am with the light on and a head full of anxiety.
So, acid. It was hello and goodbye in a matter of days. I think it's going to be a longer while than originally intended before I ever touch it again. Which might not be a bad thing.
Well, onto the real pain. The ride home with dad. I'll leave it in nutshell form because I'm kind of sick of typing for the moment. The conversation consisted of dad telling me every friendship/relationship I've had since starting smoking weed and eating mushrooms has been baseless beyond drug induced and entirely reality-free connections. What a slap in the face. He actually said I was so dependent on 'drugs and alcohol' that I couldn't function in real life without them. Anyway, that's the nutshell. Oh, and we'll never have any kind of good relatioship unless I stop 'abusing substances', either. So it's change to suit him, or get out. I told him I'm not ready for that kind of relationship with him right now, and then walked away.
I am unbelieveably angry and hurt right now.
*gone to get high* I'll see you tomorrow, unless I'm not functioning properly.
Andrew
ps - the day wasn't a total loss. I went hunting with mom this morning, beautiful. We saw all kinds of sign, and talked to a cool old guy on an ATV. We're going tomorrow too. Oh and Barry is coming over and we're going to blow the hell out of a wooden doll with my 30-30. And the appointment with Brad-the-magnificent-head -shrinker went wonderfully, as usual. I think when the time comes I'll be able to put Snowflake down. It's going to be like euthenizing my brother.
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